Thoughts About Planning A Funeral Service
If you are reading this sheet, it is because you are having to think about something that is very difficult: burying your child. Even after your child has died, you can continue to show your love as you begin to plan for his or her funeral or memorial service. This process can help you say goodbye in a way that is special, comforting, and meaningful.
Remember, there is no right or wrong way. The goal is to find a way that honors the life of your child, reflects your beliefs, and allows you and others to express your love. Below are some ideas from other parents and caregivers. We encourage you to find those that are right for you.
Usually within 24-48 hours, you will need to select a funeral home and meet with them to begin making arrangement for a burial or cremation. Family, friends, staff, or clergy may be able to assist in identifying a funeral home. Location, culture, faith, and finances may be important considerations when selecting a funeral home.
Faith and tradition often assist in structuring the services. Remember there is no “one way” to do things. The funeral director and/or clergy can help you personalize and adapt the service to meet your needs.
Even if your child died as a very young infant, the service can be a time to share the hopes and dreams you had for your child.
The funeral home will request that you bring the clothes you wish to have your child buried or cremated in. You may also request to dress your child yourself. You may want to bring with you perfume or lotion that you or your child liked. You may also be able to request to hold your child at the funeral home.
You may choose special music, poetry, or readings that remind you of your child. If there are siblings, they may want to assist in planning the service.
A collage of pictures or individual photos could be displayed. If your child had a special interest, school projects, or artwork they created, they could also be displayed.
Family and friends can be encouraged to share memories or thoughts. A book or journal may be available for others to share stories of your pregnancy or of your child.
You may choose special objects to be placed with your child in the casket. A special toy, picture, letter, blanket, religious articles…whatever symbolizes you, your family, and your child.
Balloons could be released either after the service or at the burial site. People could be given the opportunity to tie on a special message or memory.
Flowers from the service could be donated to a nursing home or hospital. Or flowers could be dried as a memento. The flowers could be used in wreathes, potpourri, bouquets, scrapbooks.
Many people choose to write their own obituary for their local newspaper.
In lieu of flowers, donations could be requested to a favorite charity or foundation.
Planning a funeral service can be a difficult experience for a parent. The support of family, friends, your faith community and hospital personnel may help you through this painful time of saying goodbye to your child in a way that brings you some peace and comfort.
Kristin James & Associations, familiescopingwithloss@gmail.com